Heineken Blows Doors Off With New Packaging

Be prepared to be wowed by the latest "innovation" in beer packaging design. Perhaps nonplussed by the waning popularity of their "ultra premium" import lager, Heineken announced today that they will be rolling out a newly designed bottle. If you're excited, make sure to keep an eye out in New York state later this month and nationwide starting in March of 2013.

The new bottle design joins the long-neck crowd, eschewing their classic 'stubby' look. But, the real innovation comes with the inclusion of "...an embossed thumb groove that improves grip and encourages people to hold the bottle at a lower point, keeping the beer colder." Which is not only not a change worth a press release  but also a ludicrous claim. 

In what way will holding the bottle lower keep the beer colder? If the drinker holds the bottle at the bottom the hand will be covering the point where there is beer the longest. Perhaps the press release is simply a bit vague on this point and the drinker is intended the use some sort of awkward claw hand position to hold the base of the bottle using the thumb and four fingers arranged vertically, or maybe the groove will be positioned on the neck.

Yet another entry in the 'diversify by design' not substance series that plagues the macro beer market.

MillerCoors Debuts New Packaging Gimmick

If you want a full article, rather than reactionary ramblings, check out this "Miller Lite Punch Top Can debuts this week" over at BeerPulse.

As much as Budweiser makes me grown by churning out poor variations on their most popular product Bud Light, I've got to give them some credit. At least they're coming up with new products. Then again, that's the more sinister approach. By pumping out new products, they demand more shelf space in package, grocery, and convenience stores and have the chance of catching the eye of a beer shopper that is looking to "expand his/her horizons" and "try something new." But, alas, this is not about Budweiser coming up with new products, this is about MillerCoors spending "creative energy" churning out packaging redesigns.

At least this one is practical, if you're goal is to improve the flow of beer to facilitate chugging. The last improvement from MillerCoors to a Miller Lite product was the "Vortex Bottle" that purported to do the same thing, but was a ludicrously made-up mechanism. Here, the punch tab in the top of the can, actually will improve air flow. It's like the marketing folks have been taking cues from frat guys and binge drinkers and have attempted to implement in-can shot-gunning. I think by next year they'll have put another punch out in the side of the can.

What kills me is that this is clearly part of a larger pattern by MillerCoors. Rather than reworking the beer or improving the product they simply create a new, pointless, marketing feature. It's product differentiation without any substance. For Miller it was the Vortex Bottle, now the Punch Top Can. For Coors it's been an even more hilarious/pitiful series for the Coors Light line. The Cold-Activated labels, then Cold-Activated cans, then, the epitome of idiocy, the Cold Activation Window! "Another engineering marvel from Coors, we've cut a hole in our packaging!" All, just in case you're not able to accurately gauge that you've chilled your beer enough. Or, is it to help ensure that you never drink the beer at a temperature that most beer (read: not Coors and its cohort) is intended to be consumed. Because, after all, if you actually experienced the flavors of these beers and dared to compare, you'd perhaps find that there really is something better out there.

Genesee Cream Ale

Genesee Cream Ale

Purchased From: Plumsted Buy Rite Liquors

Serving Type: 12 oz. can, poured into a Tapping Into Twain pint glass

Cream Ale is a style born out of American Adjunct Lagers, so fittingly, Genesee, one of the macros (albeit smaller than the big 3) makes one. Often referred to as ‘Genny Cream’ both lovingly and derisively, the beer pours a crystal clear straw with a slight grassy green hue. The medium-sized white head is a fine foam consistency. The head is slow-to-fade and produces moderate lacing.

Alcoholic esters are prominent on the nose along with a sticky sweet malt and adjunct graininess. There’s also a mellowed lager-like yeast must to it. There’s a corn sweetness to the taste, but the malts are decent overall. Unlike many other macros, Genny Cream doesn’t seem watery at all. The mouthfeel is creamy, with some carbonation tickling the tongue. Light notes of vanilla and extremely mild citrus come in near the end. The aftertaste is dry and long-lasting, but a bit sour.

One of the main bonuses of this once-popular brew is its price. Coming in at $3.69 a six-pack, this beer is extremely affordable.

Final Verdict: D+

Ballantine XXX Ale

Ballantine XXX Ale

Purchased From: Copaco Liquors & Fine Wines

Serving Type: 12 oz. can, poured into a mug

Finishing up this two-week series is a bonus ale made by a mass-producer. Ballantine was once a well-known label owned by Falstaff Brewing Company. The company was eventually sued during a merger with Narragansett Brewing Company by the State of Rhode Island over antitrust issues. Although Falstaff won, this, combined with declining sales, was a fatal blow to the company.

Just imagine, Falstaff was once the third largest brewer and it was sued over antitrust. How, then, do we have Anheuser-Busch merge with InBev to create AB InBev and SABMiller and MolsonCoors (both themselves products of mergers) join to create MillerCoors? It’s difficult to follow the series of steps that allowed these mergers, but fought to disallow the previous merger without getting a headache. Ballantine, the brand, is now owned by Pabst Brewing Company (one of its many obscure, but historic, labels). This means, of course, that Ballantine is contract-brewed by beer giant MillerCoors. 

Either way, onto the goods. Ballantine pours a golden straw color with a small head and minimal retention. Light lacing can be found on the glass. The nose, unlike the long list of lagers reviewed over the past two weeks, has a dry hoppy character and a hint of must. The malt-bomb lagers stand in stark contrast to this ale.

The mouthfeel is light and crisp with high carbonation for an ale. The malts here are light in flavor, providing some sweetness, but they’re overshadowed by potent hops that define Ballantine’s taste. The finish is clean, but there’s a lingering herbal touch.

Overall, it’s very drinkable. It’s crisp, affordable, and it makes a great beer for warm weather. I would, however, advise against buying it from Copaco. They charge an arm and a leg for it. I’m not sure if it is really “America’s Largest Selling Ale” as the can purports, but it fits the bill for mass-market appeal, price, and a good taste.

Final Verdict: B+

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Purchased From: Gillette Ridge Wines & Spirits

Serving Type: 12 oz. can, poured into a mug

Pabst Blue Ribbon, perhaps better known as PBR, kicks off the next section in the series. American Lagers, not made by the Big Three (which are really the Big Two. More on that another time, perhaps.), well sort of. Pabst Blue Ribbon, seen by many as the underdog of macro brew is only partially so. While PBR is owned by Pabst Brewing Company (it also owns a variety of other lesser-known brands) the brewing is done through contract by MillerCoors (a joint venture of SABMiller and MolsonCoors). Despite this, Pabst controls the specifications, and the results are good.

PBR pours with a full straw-colored body with a very light colored foam head. The head disappears quick under pressure from the very high active carbonation. It does, however, leave a medium amount of lacing on the glass.

The malts are prominent here, but are balanced by a moderate hopping. It’s more than refreshing to notice a balance of flavors in a macro brew. The finish is crisp and clean.

Final Verdict: B+

Side Note: PBR, formerly Best Select, then Pabst Select, takes its name (and its ribbon) from the Chicago World’s Fair (a/k/a World’s Columbian Exposition) of 1893 where the beer was awarded “Best in America.” For more information on the fair read here or check out a great novel filled with history, intrigue, and murder by Erik Larson called “The Devil in the White City.”

Milwaukee’s Best Premium

Milwaukee’s Best Premium

Purchased From: Copaco Liquors & Fine Wines

Serving Type: 12 oz. can, poured into a mug

Milwaukee’s Best is Miller’s second entrance into the low-end macro category. There are tons others by the other Big Three, but I’m not going to do them all. It pours with a large foam head and decent initial retention, but an extra few seconds quickly erases it. The nose is full of sweet malts with a slight astringency and a skunky hint.

While there’s tons of active carbonation, the overly sweet malts seem to overpower. What’s left is a slick or oily mouthfeel and a touch of alcohol on the finish. A sickly sweet aftertaste lingers. I guess the theory is if the aftertaste is bad, you’ll want to take another sip quickly, so you can wash it away.

Final Verdict: D-

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Miller High Life

Miller High Life

Purchased From: Copaco Liquors & Fine Wines

Serving Type: 12 oz. (“.355 liters”) can, poured into a mug

Miller High Life is the “Champagne of Beers” and has recently undergone a brand re-working. Read about that here. It pours with a large white foam head and tons (tons) of active ‘Champagne’ carbonation.

There’s a slight must to the nose backed up by a face-full of malts. There was actually a decent head retention on this one, and it left a serious amount of lacing on the mug. That’s rare for this style, based on my observations thus far. The beer is very sweet, but with a crisp and dry finish, which balance the malts well. 

For the drinkability, character, and price of this beer, it is one of my favorites in the category. 

Final Verdict: B*

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Keystone

Keystone

Purchased From: Beers of the World

Serving Type: 12 oz. “specially lined” can, poured into a mug

Keystone (original, not Light or Ice) pours with a thin white head and a somewhat-deep straw colored body. The foam disappears immediately leaving no lacing to speak of. Corn can be easily picked up on the nose and is characterized by a sickening sweetness. I’m almost getting a bit of Whiskey mash.

High carbonation eliminates any perceptible foretaste. It leads into some thin malts and finishes with a decent crispness. There’s a lingering sweetness and ‘beery’ taste. They detract a bit from the finish. Whatever you do, don’t let this stuff get warm. It smells a bit like warm beer when its cold, who knows what it would be like warm.

Keystone is a product of Coors Brewing Company, I’ve always suspected they take a batch of Coors-gone-wrong and can it as Keystone. Who knows. They try to rope you in with their “specially lined can” and remind you that this beer is “Always Smooth.” I’m not so sure.

I was just surprised and happy to find this original Keystone while I was in Rochester. I’ve long suspected that it existed, but had never seen anything besides Keystone Light and Keystone Ice. Either way, at $14 for a 30-pack I can’t complain too much about what I got.

Final Verdict: D+*

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Busch

Busch

Purchased From: Copaco Liquors & Fine Wines

Serving Type: 12 oz. can, poured into a mug

Pale straw body with a nice-sized head made up of light cloud-like foam. The head fades pretty fast, and leaves only a few remnants. No real lacing to be found here.

The nose is exceedingly sweet with the tinge of cereal grains. The sweetness of the nose is easily explained by the sickly sweet taste of the beer. No hops or depth of flavor, just sweetness. It ends with a bite, not exactly crisp, almost sour.

Not much else to say. The beer comes with a nice catchphrase, “Cold as a mountain stream, Smooth as its name.” Huh?

Final Verdict: F

Miller Lite

Miller Lite

Purchased From: Copaco Liquors & Fine Wines

Serving Type: 12 oz. “vortex” bottle, poured into a mug

Miller Lite, is probably second only to Coors Light in working extremely hard to get a leg up on the competition through the use of gimmicks and slogans. I’ll detail some of those below. For now, know that it pours an unsurprising medium straw. What’s surprising is this beer, unlike some others, has some distinguisable malts on the nose. You might be able to even get a hint of hops. It is, after all, “triple hops brewed.” I’ve always wondered, what’s that actually mean? Three rounds of hops? Three types of hops? Or, as I suspect, three single hop flowers in the million-gallon brew kettle?

There’s a medium level of visible carbonation, but you really notice it during a sip. The “Great Pilsner taste” comes through a bit on the foretaste, fades quick, and leaves with a little aftertaste. It’s a bit dry on the finish, but it’ll leave you ready for another sip.

Myriad of slogans aside, Miller Lite’s latest “innovation” is perhaps the most face-palm-iest yet. The “Vortex Bottle.” Precision engineered to…do what now? Look cool? Make for a good advertisement? Maybe, at very least, help you chug this beer out of the bottle faster.

Final Verdict: C-*

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Coors Light

Coors Light

Purchased From: Copaco Liquors & Fine Wines

Serving Type: 12 oz. tall can, poured into a mug

Coors Light, like it’s non-light sibling, pours with a very large head with very high active carbonation. The head dissipates quickly and leaves the pale straw body to occupy the glass.

Crisp thin malts are about the only character to the beer. No hops to be detected. Overall it’s light on flavor, high on carbonation. The watered-down light beer, coupled with high carbonation, and the inclination to drink it when the mountains are “activated” make for a beer-flavored seltzer. Not flavorful, not offensive, not much.

While I didn’t have much to say about Coors original, I feel there’s less to say about Light. To me, Coors Light is all about marketing and gimmick. “Official beer sponsor of the NFL.” “Cold Activated Can.” “Vented Wide Mouth.” The can is even a different shape. All to differentiate, but to what end?

Final Verdict: D*, maybe D+ on a good day. It is, after all, refreshing and you can drink about a million of them.

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Bud Light

Bud Light

Purchased From: Copaco

Serving Type: 12 oz. can, poured into a mug

Bud Light pours a medium straw, darker than I was expecting for a light beer. There was also a very slight orange hint to the body of the beer. A small white head resulted from the pour but disappeared nearly without a trace after a minute or two.

The thin malts are somewhat masked by the extra water, but the high carbonation keeps the beer from seeming too watered down. The distinctive Budweiser flavor is present here, which, again, combats the watered down characteristic of a light beer. The flavor carries through till the end producing a dry finish.

Known for its “Superior Drinkability” Bud Light is one of the better Light lagers around. It carries on with some actual flavor, however minimal it might be. Light beer overall is not something I’m too interested in. Sure it may be “less filling” but if you’re looking to drink in quantity, I don’t see the point of drinking a less alcoholic beer. Unless, of course, you’re aiming for a larger pile of cans at the end of the night.

Final Verdict: C-*

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Miller Genuine Draft

Miller Genuine Draft

Purchased From: Copaco

Serving Type: 12 oz. clear glass bottle missing its label, poured into a mug

Miller Genuine Draft, colloquially MGD, pours a deep straw, crystal clear, with a light white foam head that dissipates pretty quickly. Toward the end there’s slight retention, but nothing to write home about. Medium-high active carbonation and a tiny bit of lacing persist.

The malts, like all MGD’s bretheren, take center stage, but remain light overall. There’s also a mild amount of distinguishable hopping here. Not great, but certainly not terrible. It lacks the depth you might hope for in a beer, but what can you expect? As with Budweiser and Coors, MGD is a bit too pricey for me to ever consider keeping it around.

Not really sure what happened to the label, here, but maybe that’s for the better. Do I really need to read about the beer, describing, in breathless terms, how they’ve managed to capture that real ‘straight-from-the-tap taste’ in a clear glass bottle? Just don’t let these things get too much sun or else you’ll be dealing with the issues associated with “lightstruck” beer.

Final Verdict: C+*

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Coors

Coors

Purchased From: Copaco Liquors & Fine Wines

Serving Type: 12 oz. tall can, poured into a mug

Ah, Coors, the “Banquet Beer.” Pours a large foam head with good initial retention, but it soon disappears. Almost no trace of the head remains. The nose has vague soapy notes and a light must. Not off-putting at all.

Thin malts and a light sweetness are all that describe the beer’s flavor, backed up by tons of carbonation. The finish is crisp but a lingering sweetness pervades. No hops can be detected.

On to the gimmicks. Coors, I think, has the most. I’m not surprised, given the lack of heart to the beer. The first, the “vented wide mouth” (pictured below). Not only have all beers and soft drinks in America adopted the wide mouth opening, Coors has taken it a step further by “venting” it. How? They’ve added a slight bump next to the opening, apparently to let air flow more freely. Who knows if it actually works. Even if it does, what’s the point? Maybe it’s to help you choke this beer down faster. That way you don’t actually taste anything, you just get drunk.

On to the second gimmick. The cold activated can. “When the Mountains Turn Blue It’s as Cold as the Rockies” (capitalization intact). Amazing and quite entertaining innovation. All it does is let you know that the beer is so cold you’ll have trouble tasting it. Upon my first taste the can was not “activated” a travesty, I’m sure. The thing was, I could actually taste the beer. What little there is to taste. 

In summary, vent the mouth to let you drink it faster and serve it so cold you can’t taste it. These are the keys to marketing a beer light on flavor and character.

I don’t mind it, and Coors original is somewhat rare to find. The novelty helps it retain some points, but really, I think Coors has the least character out of any of the macros. 

Final Verdict: C*

*This rating is based on my thoughts and opinions of this beer as compared to those similar to it.

Budweiser

Budweiser

Purchased From: Gillette Ridge Wine & Spirits

Serving Type: 12 oz. can, poured into a mug

Budweiser is the self-proclaimed “King of Beers,” so what could possibly be better to kick off the American Lager series? Get ready for more than a week of slogans, gimmicks, and marketing angles, it’s only going to get more intense.

Budweiser pours a light to medium straw with a large white head and tons of active carbonation. The head fades pretty quick, and doesn’t leave much evidence of its presence. 

The nose is almost all malts. On the tasting, the mouthfeel is slick and somewhat oily with a tinge from the carbonation and minor hops. Rice and corn abound. The almost all-malt body leaves you with a sweet finish, stemming primarily from the cereal grains.

I’m not sure there’s a current gimmick to get you to buy Budweiser, I think they save the marketing money for Bud Select and Bud Select 55. So, at least I can appreciate the classic stance taken by Anheuser-Busch i.e. InBev regarding this one. I’ve also always thought the can design was great. Lots of attention to detail and nuance. If only the beer itself had any of these characteristics.

Like I said previously, I’m planning on implementing a rating system. For now, I’m sticking with a regular grading system, but I may change it up in the future. Also, for now, I’m going to rate the beers in this series based on where I believe they stand among the competition in their style. 

So, when I say that I give Budweiser a “C” “B-“, for having some drinkability, a somewhat pungent malt character (not as watery as some of its competition), and light on gimmicks, that’s in the context of only similar beers. It could maybe get aC+ B, but I’ve always regarded the top-name macros as being overpriced for what you get. Budweiser is no exception.

Final Verdict: C* - Keep in mind what I said above. B- ** Read this